Grudges, Lies and Magnificence

We are all liars. Yes. YOU too. I am one and YOU are one too…

(I M 1 N U R 1 2)

We hold secret grudges and then don’t speak up about our hurt and pretend that everything is fine.

Meanwhile we are raging inside.

We are raging about the things our parents did to us. And the things they didn’t do. We are raging about what our cousin said to us when we dared to reveal a bit too much of ourselves and they stomped on our tender vulnerability without realizing it or out of sheer delight in being able to be mean with no fear of retaliation… and then we easily forget the times we turned around and handed it on like the proverbial hot potato of pain.

It’s time to cut the bullshit mostly to ourselves.

Who are we? Why are we so shitty to ourselves and each other? Why do we shit on this beautiful world that keeps us all alive?

We like to think we are good people. Nice people. Generous. Kind. Aware.

But we are not. Oh We surely CAN be sometimes but it mostly just looks like that. We are always getting a positive payoff. There is always some perception of personal gain that we get, even by keeping ourselves poor, anxious and miserable. What do I “get” out of never quite pushing myself to get my music and other creative products “out into the world”…

1. I get protection from criticism.
2. I get to feel sorry for myself
3. I get to get some sympathy from people who see and hear and understand what a fucking genius I am…
4. I get to tell myself bullshit stories about all kinds of things. This is very entertaining.
5. I get to work endlessly on my mother shit and wake the fuck up to the fact that I am always looking for permission from my mother to be a famous musician. And when she (usually my girlfriend or therapist or teacher or coach or friend), inevitably fails me, “fails” me (actually it’s a gift because eventually I will stop the pattern)
6. I get to have the time to study enough about business, and human communication, and psychology and neuro linguistics so that when everything comes together I can go from $0.00 to $1,000,000 in an unbelievably short time.
7. I get to build a story of struggle and failure that ultimately leads to triumph in a way that ANYONE who is paying attention can also duplicate in their own way in their own lives to ROCK their worlds faster, easier, better.
8. By taking 40 years instead of becoming rich and famous in my 20’s I probably added 50 years to my life and got to write more freely and creatively than I would have if I’d had early success. and ultimately its’ the journey.
9. Being miserable FORCED me to work on myself to learn tools to help stop the bad feelings that I felt pretty much all the time. And once I learned how to help myself get out of pain, it feels really good to help other people get out of pain AND to be paid well for that.

We are not nice people. we are not good people. we are devious and ruthless and ultimately out for ourselves in ways that we would be shocked if it were pointed out. But not being good isn’t BAD. It’s just that we are animals. We are pre-programmed to be self firsters. It’s only our culture that demands that we appear to be self-less. Look at nature. It is all about taking care of #1.

We are not “nice” people. Just watch us drive our cars. That’s the real “us”. But on the other hand, who we really are is not bad. It’s just totally and completely, honestly built around self interest.

And even our compliance with the “laws of the tribe” is only about us taking care of ourselves… whether we obey them because we are afraid of not obeying them or if we dis-obey them because we don’t like to be told we can’t do something… it’s all about us chasing a good feeling…

Everything we do is about chasing good feelings…. for ourselves… even it it is ostensibly to help OTHER people feel good….

• Sex, Drugs, Rock n Roll
• Art
• Robbery
• Video Games
• Yoga
• Eating
• Farting
• working out
• Not working out
• Science
• Taking a nap
• staying up late watching porn
• making a killing in the markets
• Paying our taxes
• Cheating on our taxes
• Making so little money you don’t owe taxes
• Making so much money you don’t owe taxes… you OWN politicians
• Giving to charity… stealing from a charity…
• Stockpiling a years worth of canned food and water in the basement… just in case
• reading romance novels or watching porn…

Whatever it is, we do it for us. We are constantly chasing good feelings…

Because it feels good to feel good. Cuz feeling bad SUCKS. We move toward pleasure and away from pain. It’s always, ultimately ALL ABOUT US.

To this day, if I met the devil at the crossroads in the deepest, darkest night and he asked me what I most wanted and would gladly pay anything to get, I would say…

“Get my music out into the world where it could do some good as well as support me extremely well financially for the rest of my life.”

The devil would crinkle his nose at the foolish, selfish idea of “doing good” but he would nod and grant my wish in exchange for….

One of my children.

And I would have replied without hesitation, “Which one?”

If murdering someone would further my cause I would have done it.

If I had to lie, cheat and steal to get a record contract I would have. I just didn’t think that would actually lead to a record deal or I would have done it.

It just seemed IMPOSSIBLE. So I gave up… for awhile. Then I gave it another shot, and failed. and another and another and another and another…

To date I’ve recorded 18 damn CD’s. Sold dozens of them. Maybe even a couple hundred. all in an attempt to “do what I came here to do” because doing what you came here to do feels REALLY, REALLY GOOD.

So for 40 years, I gave it a lot of tries. But as Yoda says, “There is no try. Only Do or Do Not.”

I would have done anything but the obvious. WORK MY FUCKING ASS OFF TO DO IT! Regardless of how long it took or what cost there was….

and suddenly you see that you actually HAVE been doing that all along… and ultimately talent is cheap but “Grit” real stick-to-it-iveness, can only be earned and learned the hard way, by doing it. brushing yourself off and picking yourself up again. over and over and over again.

And gradually you learn how to motivate and challenge yourself, your sweet little selfish self… you learn how to lure your greedy little 8 year old animal mind toward thoughts’ that work in the real world…

And you begin to practice new ways of interpreting the world. new ways of thinking and acting and behaving and observing and interacting with other humans… once you know that every one is in this for themselves… once you know that it changes everything…

To get more of what I want, I have to help get YOU more of what YOU want, faster, easier, better….

…and charge you accordingly for my service…

Why not? Why waste time on shit that doesn’t work?

Let’s get what the fuck we came here to get as fast as humanly possible, shall we?

It will always take longer than we want so let’s DEMAND selfishly of ourselves to give ourselves what we want! And to fucking GO GET IT. Now!

Why? Because it feels better than any other drug!

It feels better than the best sex. It feels better than the biggest bowl of ice cream. It feels better than an all expenses paid cruise to the Bahamas.

This is your magnificence. This is where all the self interest that we keep secreted close to our vests is actually designed to take us.

What if, we actually stepped up to the challenge of showing up authentically in the world speaking our truth?

What if we started by being honest with the people we love the most? Not honest but mean, just honestly truthful about what is really going on with us. Always WITH THE UNDERSTANDING that we are spinning these crazy stories about each other. We are lying to ourselves all the time.

We are deciding that “they don’t really love us.”  They are deciding that we “don’t really love them.”

All because you inadvertently said something that they interpreted in a way that hurt their feelings or vice versa…

But you meant something else entirely than what they interpreted what you said to mean… and you did the same LAST week… and over time these little hurts that don’t get talked about DESTROY us. They destroy our love relationships. They destroy our relationships with our children, our close colleagues and ourselves.

And it’s a simple fix. We own our shit. We talk about our shit. And we get over it and move on free… to feel good…

and it does feel good doesn’t it?

GAWD I LOVE YOU!!!! (you beautiful, lying, selfish magnificent animal! ;o)

Come over here so I can give you a hug and a pat on the…

………. Shoulder.

Mwah,

– Mark

p.s. Got some negative limiting beliefs? You know the ones, like, “I’m not good enough” or “Nobody loves me” or “It’s not right to put my own self interests first…” or “I can never lose weight and keep the weight off if I do lose weight…” What is it for you?????

Want to replace them and see how it totally transforms your life? Check out my new course, “Beyond Beliefs: How to Stop Your Limiting Beliefs From Stopping YOU!”